I am so sad. I don't even know why. I feel like sobbing. I have not enjoyed this conference at all. And it has been fine, so I really don't know why I feel this way.

I've caught up with folks I rarely see. I learned some new stuff. I slept unusually well. I was pleased with my outfits. I have been deliberately hydrating.

Nothing bad has happened.

But I'm bereft. I hate that I missed my son's band concert for this (and it turns out that he IS first chair). I missed a lot of working time for this and I don't feel like I got enough value from being here to offset that. I absolutely abhorred the "big" social event. It was so loud.

I don't feel like I belong here. Maybe that's what's going on. Maybe I'm grieving that sense of belonging that I used to have.

I mean, I don't like noise. I hate crowded places because goddammit, they are not safe! I don't like driving in unfamiliar cities, especially in downtown areas with one-way streets. And I don't consider crappy frozen pizza and nachos "dinner." I don't like walking several blocks in the cold and wind. I would have grabbed my coat if I knew we were doing that! It's not "just across the street!"

It doesn't seem to bother other people. Maybe I'm just old. Or maybe it's that I don't drink much, and others drink enough that they don't care about the noise and the crappy food.

I want to go home to my guys. I wish I had not come.

@AngelaPreston

@AngelaPreston

When I was a younger man, I used to attend my industry-sector conferences fairly religiously; they were a combination of genuine advances in practice and raucous drinking sessions. For a while, they were great.

Then one morning, halfway through one, I woke up with intense homesickness and realised that I didn't actually want to be there (and also, that I was in the wrong industry sector). So I drove home.

Nobody missed me, and all the information was in the journal of proceedings anyway. My bosses were none the wiser, and in a short space of time, I'd left the sector.

Conferences are useful for networking, CPD points, avoiding work and pretending to be at Uni again. All of the information can be digested in a quarter of the time through the printed material. Can you quietly drive home?

@Badgardener I can't, because I drove here with my boss. But thank you for this. It helped some.

@AngelaPreston it's okay, you're a different person than them, you don't have to like walking in the cold, or not wanting to drink, or being in a loud crowded place. Next time skip the conference. It's okay. 🙂

@ghostradio Yes. I think next time I will strongly advocate for someone else to attend. My boss really wanted me to come this time (we are here together). But it would be good for someone else to have the opportunity.

@AngelaPreston ugh. I used to enjoy conferences and found them intellectually stimulating. But if I have to go now, often do what’s required and find a quiet place to sit and put on headphones and stare at laptop (with a good book on it)). Too loud, too much pointless interaction and “networking”. Hope you can endure the rest and breathe a sigh of relief when you get home.

@IcooIey Yes. I made myself attend all of the sessions, but I did spend a lot of the "down" time in my room.

@AngelaPreston oh I'm so sorry! It sounds more like overwhelm than anything. I developed a strategy when I was working (retired now): you can leave any time you want to. I hope you find the best possible solution soon

@CuriousMagpie Thank you. I get to go home tomorrow.