I do a lot of self-recrimination. I have a lot of thoughts about things I should have done, but didn't do. It's not exactly regret, but it's similar.

Today I was talking about this in the context of something I didn't do on Saturday. I had a project I marked in my planner to do that day, and I didn't even touch it.

They asked, "Okay, but how did you feel at the end of the day?" And the answer was I felt pretty good, because thanks to ADHD I wasn't even thinking about that project, I was thinking about the new word game (Contexto) that I had played with my son and some online friends. We had a blast. That was the last thing I did that night and I felt good about it. I didn't feel the guilt until a day or so later.

And this person said, "Okay. Well, you should pay attention to that. Because yeah, you didn't get to the project you planned to do. But that project is optional, and it's mainly for you. So leaving it undone for another day isn't the end of the world. Maybe what you NEEDED was that time with your friends and your son, and so that's what you did. And maybe that's just fine."

And I don't know how to feel about that. I mean, I can't just always do the fun stuff and never get to the projects. But maybe I've been too hard on myself about spending time with my loved ones instead of doing something "productive."

...Maybe that time IS productive. Just not in a way that capitalism would recognize.

@AngelaPreston

"I can't just always do the fun stuff and never get to the projects."

That's right! You literally "can't" because eventually those projects will run up against a due date, or a time they absolutely need to be done by, or they will fulfill a need that you can't do without.

Maybe that's the reframing you could think about? What the word "can't" really means. And maybe you can trust yourself to know that whatever that project was this weekend, it didn't need to happen this weekend.

Often, I think my friends and family who have ADHD diagnoses don't give themselves enough credit, and they misunderstand (as you suggest) what productive means.

Sometimes a neurodiverse person needs to plan for a project and then do a lot of back-of-the-mind unconscious thinking about it, after which they're able to focus and get it done quickly--a way of working that neurotypicals like to call "procrastination" and last-minute" but is actually the most efficient way for a neurodiverse person to get something done and done well, while still having time to enjoy other aspects of their life.

Maybe instead of shaming yourself for your superpower, you can celebrate it!

@anne Thank you. That was very kind of you and I teared up a little at just being understood.

@AngelaPreston ❤️​

@anne @AngelaPreston Every word of this! What might look like staring into space to other people is time spent thinking about you're gonna Do the Thing! Or resting! Or taking in the world around you, which may later come out in your art or writing or whatever! Or not, maybe it just makes you happier! Which is really valid!

... okay I'm gonna bugger off with the rest of the bag of exclamation points now

@VagabondTabby Thank you. I do a lot of imagining, now that you mention it. I was brought up to think of that as a waste of time or being lazy, and it's probably past time for me to update my thinking.

And I'm going to add what you said in your other post ("crapitalism") to my vocabulary. 😉​

@anne

@AngelaPreston I know (or possibly know) how you must feel since I am hard on myself if I don’t get certain things done. And then I’ll keep thinking about it and getting ever more anxious since it’s just not done and I wanted it done.

I tell myself when this happens that it’s OK since other stuff will come up. It doesn’t always help, but beating yourself up over it doesn’t help either since that’s time wasted. So better to just get on with it and that’s what I generally do. Not very helpful, but it works for me, at least in terms of handling the short-term anxiety over not getting it done 🙂

Longer term, I generally forget about it since there’s always so much stuff to do 😛

@f I think if I could do as well about forgetting things that I feel guilty about as I do about things I actually want to do, I'd overall be happier.

It really is time wasted! I can't undo it, and I know from experience that self-flagellation doesn't help me do better in the future, so I should just acknowledge it and let it go. That's great advice. Thank you.