Angela
AngelaPreston@toot.cat
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So I try to concentrate on mainly positive things here. Like, even when I am grumpy that a bird ate the tomato I had been growing, I try to find the humor in it.
Every so often I need to be honest though. Because spreading the good stuff is well...Good! But ONLY sharing that might leave the impression that my life is always wonderful and that might encourage unrealistic expectations for others.
So here's my periodic "real talk" post where I am honest in a way that makes me a little uncomfortable.
It's not all hugs and puppies here. I have felt really physically bad for over a week, and I think it was Covid even though the test never said positive.
The fatigue is terrible. The stiffness, the need to rest (and then sometimes the inability to fall asleep), and the constant feeling of gunk in my sinuses and throat is wearing on me. I feel like I can't do anything. Sometimes I cannot even rest properly.
There are so many things I want to do that I am just not capable of right now. It feels wrong and unfair, that I have finally got the desire to do stuff, and I don't have the ability. As someone who suffers from depression, this is NOT helping.
Am I excited about my new job? Yes, but also filled with anxiety about it. I have to learn new stuff and then help others master it. I have to be "on" a lot more than normal. I need my mind to be clear and my body to be energetic, and I'm kind of starting to panic that with this fatigue and brain fog (or maybe just brain "mist" because it doesn't feel as bad as before), I'll fail. I don't want to let my new team down, and I don't want to embarrass myself, and I need to keep this job for my family's sake.
A loved one and I are fairly dissimilar, politically speaking. Every now and then something comes up that brings that to the forefront, and it gets really difficult. With the recent events here, this is one of those times. There is a lot of friction and disagreement, and I need harmony.
So what can I do to feel better? I'm going to keep taking my meds, keeping my appointments, and keep going outside when I can. And I think I'll call my primary care doctor or maybe the doctor on demand that my work has for us, and see if maybe I do have a sinus infection that's dragging me down. Or maybe this is just a hormonal "low" and I'll start to feel better soon.
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@AngelaPreston *virtual hug* have as many as you need. And yeah, do not stop taking your medication as long as it's working.
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@SRLevine Thank you, Sam.
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Amy has moved!
APBBlue@zirk.usShow content
(I don't have any good advice -- I'm just sitting here with you.)
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@APBBlue Thank you. That helps!
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Giant hugs for you!
When I had covic the first time, I got a bacterial bronchitis on top of it that was helped enormously by antibiotics
So I think your plan of checking with the doc whether you can have a sinus infection is a good one! It's not either/or. You could have sinuses plus covid, and treating the sinuses could really help
💜💜💜💜💜
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@NilaJones Thank you!
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@AngelaPreston it's good to talk about the not-too-shiny parts of one's life, too.
I don't have anything clever to say and can't really offer advice, but I'm leaving a virtual hug for you and please know that you're not alone. 💚
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@andijah Thank you so much.
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That sounds like a lot. All the best for you, virtual hugs and all.
Thank you for trusting us and telling all this - it makes it easier for me to cope with my own dark side when I know others are fighting, too. Take care.
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@SusanneDoering Thank you.
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Melissa Santos
ansate@social.coopShow content
@AngelaPreston ❤️❤️ thank you for being real, good luck with the hard stuff and good plan for taking care of yourself
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@ansate Thank you.
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Fahim Farook
fFor years, till I met my wife, I didn't talk to anybody about a lot of things. Now, with her, I think I talk a bit too much since I talk her ear off 😛And sometimes it's just sensory-overload for her and she'll tell me that she needs some quiet time. It doesn't help that we are together 24/7. But overall we like it and having her to talk stuff out has helped me immensely.
Not sure if any of that actually helps, but if you need to talk, I'm sure that I and many others here are willing to listen 🙂
Hope you have a great day today!
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Angela
AngelaPreston@toot.cat@f Thank you Fahim! I agree that having someone to talk to helps. Just having some of the folks here say "wow, yeah, that sounds tough" helps.
I think it's partially that my upbringing taught me that "no one likes a whiner" and that my job in this world is to try to put others at ease and do their emotional labor. I'm frequently caught between the reluctance to be "a burden" and my need to connect with others who have similar experiences.
But I also don't want to paint an artificial picture of everything being rosy and easy. So I end up making a post like this one, and very kind people reassure me that it's okay, and then I go back to trying to share mainly inoffensive stuff here.
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Angela
AngelaPreston@toot.cat@f Also I think it's really great that you two found each other and are so compatible. I think this world would be much improved if everyone had someone like that! I don't know what I would do without The Husband.
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Fahim Farook
fBut yes, I do the same thing — well, to an even greater extreme in that I don't talk about personal stuff much at all. I'll just talk about coding, or movies, or something that interests me and which I hope interests other people. But sharing anyhing personal seems "icky" somehow 🙂
All this just to say, I do understand how you feel but that I'm happy to listen to other people talk about their lives even if I can't seem to bring myself to (much).
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