Something I have worked hard on is trying to identify the source of my discomfort and stress when Going Places and Doing Things.

I am #ActuallyAutistic and doing a new thing is always inherently stressful because it is unfamiliar and I don’t know what to expect.

So I gave myself a rule that I will try something three times before I even try and decide whether I like it and want to keep doing it or not.

The first time is just a total write off. It’s the first pancake. Always going to suck and it’s not my fault.

The second time is to work out what’s going on and how it works so that by the third time I have some idea what to expect.

And only then do I try and work out whether I enjoyed it and whether I want to keep doing it.

Surprisingly, taking a few years off Going Places and Doing Things has actually made me better at this. I will tell two stories of recent GP&DTs.

1. I joined a day program for autistic adults. Surprisingly, I actually had a good time the first time I went but all the other participants were much higher needs than me and were non-verbal and needed 1:1 support. So I went on a different day the second time.

There weremore moderate needs folks that time and speaking people and non-speaking but able to play board games and things. I tooted about That Guy who kept touching me.

And it was still a New Thing to be there but I was able to tell that the stress of the day was mostly That Guy and partly it being a New Thing.

So I figure… I can make That Guy not a problem (staff are shielding me from him, yay), and after a while it won’t be a New Thing.

And then I can decide whether I like it enough to keep going. So I will go at least one more time (this will be four times but since I changed days I reset the counter.)

2. I also went to a picnic recently and at the picnic there was another That Guy of a slightly different flavour. I also tooted about him.

So I at the picnic I was stressed out because of That Guy, and also because it was a New Thing… and also because there was lots of people.

If I kept going I know I could just not talk to That Guy and talk to people who don’t show me their adult toys within minutes of meeting me. It would also stop being a New Thing.

BUT it would probably not stop being a thing with lots of people having lots of conversations all at once. That source of stress would remain.

So I don’t even need to try and go to that one three times because I already know that it being a New Thing is not the problem.

So I am extremely pleased with my ability to untangle those different sources of stress. It is so easy to try something once and have a bad time and not want to go back… and not know when it is worth pushing through and trying again.

So I feel like this is a good skill to try and acquire and I recommend it a lot!

@ephant this strategy you developed sounds fabulous. I'm thrilled for you that it works so well. I need to adopt a bit more of this in my life.